The Ice in Our Toes
by ElsaBlasters
Summary: Soul x Death the Kid Rated T due to mild violence, but it isn't bad oh the feels


**This fanfiction was inspired by a few songs which I gathered onto a playlist here (without asterisks) www.*youtube*.com** **/watch?v=OUWOMJE2nqM &index=1&list=PLSM1z1RpKFf3WF22WTajUlPryKiLG_q0d**

 **LISTEN FOR THE ULTIMATE FEELS!**

Death city became quite the mild place for Soul. Most of his friends had moved or just outright changed. Liz went to Venezuela to become a drug trafficker, Patty joined a "down with the patriarchy" campaign, Maka turned into a dog, and Black Star joined Al-Qaeda. That left Tsubaki, Death the Kid, Crona, dog-Maka, and a few other, less important people. Crona ran up to him and nervously said, "Um, it's your turn to feed Maka." Soul sighed. The closest thing to Hell on Earth was Maka. He angrily slapped Crona with a macaw he found on his next door neighbor's fence; he bought a house to escape from human Maka, but he was now forced to keep Maka, now a dog, in his back yard due to his neighbor calling the police on him, claiming "animal abuse". "WHY CAN'T I FIGURE OUT YOUR GENDER?!" Soul screamed, turning around and running from his dark past. Ever since Crona happened, Soul felt like the world was going to end. He was sure Crona was the main cause of Global Warming, and Soul was not allowed to let a person like -him? Her? It? Whatever that freak of nature is- go unpunished. Soul considered forcing him to feed Maka again, but decided against it. By God, it is worse than Excalibur. Soul arrived at his house, where he began to prepare for feeding time. Maka was chained to a large metal pole out back. Soul walked out the door, butcher knife in his right hand, a raw ham-steak in the other. "I WILL DEFEAT YOU, YOU TWO-FACED SON OF A CAN OF SPRAY-DEODERANT!" Soul bellowed, charging at the dog-human hybrid. Maka screeched while spitting acid from her eyelids. "Maka…" Soul whispered. "Why did you turn into this?!" "Because," Maka stated, "Barak Obama ruined the American economy." She lunged at him, and bit into his left foot. He kicked her off and stabbed her with the knife 36 times exactly. He picked up Maka's corpse and dropped it into the neighbor's yard along with the bloody knife. _Shows them for calling the cops_ Soul thought. _Now what to do with this ham-steak…_ Soul wondered around with it clutched in his fist until the sun set. He ended up at Death the Kid's house. He walked up to the door and tried the door. _Locked. What now?_ There is only one obvious thing to do in this situation.

Soul took his fist and slammed it through the door, causing woodchips to fly across the Earth at lightning speed. He unlocked the door through the fist-sized hole and invited himself in. "Honey, I'm home!" he called to no one. He threw the ham-steak at a wall and it left a large wet stain on the wall; it had become wet and greasy from hanging out in the sun too long. He stepped cautiously down the long corridor and into one of the side rooms. The room was completely empty except for a giant mirror hanging on the right wall. "I love you," Soul said to the mirror. "I love you too," It responded before shattering, "I will see you in Heaven, Soul." He tried to hold back his tears, but found he was unable to. That mirror was his best friend. Looks like he'd just have to find a new best friend. _I'll find one in Death the Kid's house, I just know it!_ Soul rolled across the floor and into a wall. _NO! This wall is thwarting my attempts to be social! I'll show it!_ He slammed a large vase into the wall while speaking Latin. The wall remained stationary. _Dang, they're good_ Soul thought. _How am I supposed to defeat my enemies if they have no weakness?_ Soul realized that there was one thing that no wall could withstand. If only he could find it.

After wondering around the large house seemingly aimlessly while yelling, "MOM? MOM!" continuously, Soul found the exact item he was looking for, the show stopper, the destroyer of evil, the poptart in the corner. He smirked evilly. He ran fast towards the wall, jumping into the air while giving a tremendous battle cry. He heaved the item, a vivid orange feather duster, into the wall. The wall combusted and Soul wiped the sweat off his brow like a cool kid would do. Behind the door was… Death the Kid! (surprise, surprise)

"Hello you dumb pringle," Kid greeted while curled up on the floor, licking a pile of ice. "You're my boyfriend now," Soul stated blandly, leaving no room for objection. Soul grabbed hold of Kid's left hand and dragged him off towards the wrecked door. _This is for mirror. Mirror would've wanted this…_ He picked Kid up and called out behind him, "Death, I'm stealing your son!" and strut out the door. "I'm going to drop you, but just trust me on this one, okay." Kid said. Soul looked down to find their positions switched. "Okay. Věřím ti , protože jsi můj přítel." _I guess I just switch languages sometimes, but that is socially accepted so I am okay._ A worm hole appeared below him, and suddenly he wasn't in Death City, but in 1794 France. He looked at Kid, but he wasn't there. Nicolas Cage was in his place. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Soul screamed, struggling to escape from Nic's massive, manly grasp.

Soul woke up in a cold sweat. Wow that was some crazy dream, he thought. He chuckled and stepped out of bed, stretching his arms. He rubbed his eyes and went to look out the window. Outside he saw the most horrifying of sights. Stein was attempting to flirt with Excalibur on his front lawn! _Why Stein? Why in my yard?_

Soul woke up. He was fully clothed. _Suspicious._ He walked out to his front yard to inspect his dull-witted, full-of-crap, the-world-doesn't-need-these-kinds-of-people neighbors. They were currently being arrested, charged with murder and war crimes. Soul smiled brightly. This was perfect! He looked up at the sun, which looked a lot more like a piñata compared to every other day. He looked closely at the clouds and saw Nicolas Cage with a halo. He winked down at Soul and vanished into the Heavens. Soul coughed in acknowledgement. He turned back towards his house. What a refreshing morning he had! He should do his best to spread he joy like the Bubonic Plague and start with Death the Kid. He found Kid tied up to a giant bottle rocket with a large stereo in front of him. Kid looked at him nervously. _Oh yeah. I tried to feed him classical music and threatened to shoot him off into space if he didn't eat._ _I think?_ Despite his slight confusion on past events, Soul untied Kid. "Be free my little dove! Fly away and be FREE!" Soul exclaimed. He threw kid out a five-story window. _He'll grow wings right? No, Soul, it's not a question it should be a statement. He WILL grow wings and there is no doubt about that._

Kid slammed into the ground which ended up creating a large crater in the middle of a busy road. _That was fun_ he thought, jumping onto a large slip-and-slide. It took him to a small dojo where he saw Soul waiting for him. "S'up mah homie," Kid started. "You wield me now," Soul replied. _I do need a weapon or two (hopefully two) now that Liz and Patty are gone. Should I really do this?_ Kid roared, "YOLO," and picked up scythe Soul. _This asymmetrical piece of crap. I'll just spilt him in half and have two mini scythes._ Death the Kid, with his amazing protagonist powers, cut Soul in half. However, he accidentally split an atom, causing Soul to explode which of course killed him. "Fiddlesticks," Kid swore, completely forgetting the fact that he should be just as dead as Soul due to the size of the atomic blast. _I guess I should get some more._ He walked over to the closet where all the spare Souls were kept. One Soul was wearing a "down with cis" t-shirt and one large bow in his hair. Another was wearing a cowboy hat had spurs sticking out of his nose. "Come outta there, you!" said Kid taking the two out. Upon closer inspection he noticed just how revolting they were. The cowboy one kept sticking his finger in the muzzle of a revolver and pulling the trigger, seemingly playing Russian roulette with his fingers. The feminist one was wearing gaudy make-up and appeared to be five times regular Soul's weight, not to mention the god-awful fake boobs. Kid, trying his best not to puke, opened the hatch located on the wall near the floor. He shoveled the Souls into the hatch. It lead them down a small metal slide into a pit of fire used for disposing garbage. Kid watched as the disgusting Souls were consumed by the flames. "Good riddance," he proclaimed. He went back to the closet in hopes of finding a copy of normal Soul.

He finally uncovered one that was seeming normal, although this one enjoyed breakdancing more than the old one. "Close enough!" He assured himself that it would be just the same as the regular one. Suddenly, one of the Souls was infected with the superflu! "I MUSTN'T LET THE WORLD BECOME CONTAMINATED! It is wrong but just." He spoke heroically. He lit a match and threw it into the closet of Souls. They began to scream but Kid just blocked it out. _I did the right thing :D_ He strapped Soul onto a four-wheeler, which was driven by no one other than Medusa. "I'll give you a signed fire hydrant if you take me to the nearest hotel." "SOLD! Wow one whole fire hydrant, hot diggity dog" Medusa marveled. "Whoa, super generous dude," Soul piped in. She drove to a hotel called "original"-name hotel. Medusa parked the four-wheeler and got off. She walked into the middle of the side walk and held her arms up to the sky. "My body is ready!" she admitted. A UFO sent its metallic arms to pick her up and carry her to the mothership. "That is one beautiful friendship," Soul opined. Kid nodded. He grabbed Soul's hand. Soul didn't object; he beat boxed instead. The danced for a minute then Kid realized. "I was going to do something here!" He grabbed a briefcase and walked to a professional looking young man. "Here," Kid whispered while handing him the briefcase, "you know what to do. Remember: The hawk flies at midnight." The man lost his cool and bleated while ramming into a wall. "So, um, why'd you do that?" Soul asked. Kid chuckled, "I've always wanted to see what someone would do if I did that." "Oh." Soul stared into Kid's sight spheres with a blank face that was supposed to be full of emotion and love or something. Soul spoke up, "Let us go on a date." "Whatevs man," Kid slurred. They walked away from the hotel and onto their first activity.

"UUUUUUUUGH," Kid whined. "What is it?" Soul asked. They were at a self-proclaimed paper factory, although they only produced candles. "It's CRONA! He- She- It- is so lame! They're the reason asymmetrical things exist! This is why we can't have nice things! That hair though, that haaaair! That rock-rock fellow or whatever his name was is pretty cool though. But Crona is evil. 100% Satan spawn." Kid ranted. Soul exclaimed, "You hate him too?!" Kid nodded in response. He felt the sudden urge to kiss Soul, because they had so much in common; they both hated Crona! Despite the anti-climactic setting of a bunch of underpaid candlestick makers and the sound of a monotonous tour guide, they decided to have a make-out session. Afterwards, they flew to a park on which they created a hobbit hole where they thrived for the rest of their days. I needed to type ten more words to have 2,000.


End file.
